Mom blames 17-year-old daughter for her divorce from teen's stepfather when the teen rejects her stepfather as a father, despite him being in her life since she was 10 years old: 'He told mom he couldn't live without being a parent'

It really is a terrible feeling to want something so badly, but for it to always be out of reach for reasons outside of your control. Still, there is a cost to everything, and sometimes even when we have the ability to decide things ourselves, we still must make a choice. So, there will inevitably be sacrifices, since often two things are mutually exclusive and can't be had or achieved at the same time. Failing to commit to anything, stopping short of reaching out to pluck that fig off the vine,  may leave you with nothing at all, and years down the road, you'll be staring at a bunch of withered fruit, wondering just what the heck happened.

The opportunity to have kids is important to a lot of people, and can be a dealbreaker in any relationship. It's understandable that, at some point in their relationship, the opportunity to have children of their own, or the loss of that chance, might be considered to be a breaking point. But that point should probably come before you make lifelong commitments to each other, and if you truly love someone, you won't regard them as simple opportunities or consolation prizes.

When this now teen's mother married her new husband, he seemingly had accepted the fact that his new wife was unable to have any more children, meaning that he would have no biological children of his own. He had taken consolation in the fact that she had a 10-year-old daughter and that she might one day come to see him as her father, except that day never came.

Despite no troubling grievances or incidents of note, the feelings that the teen felt needed to come along with the title of "father" never developed, as the teen felt that she had had, and lost, one father already. So, despite her stepfather's efforts and attempts to grant himself that place in her life, the "fatherhood" remained a river without a bridge to be crossed.

Seemingly, though, the entire issue here may have been the approach of both parties from the outset. Desiring to be a father in name, the stepfather might have sought to be one in name only, not putting in the intangible extra efforts that foster the unconditional love of parenthood. Similarly, it doesn't seem that the teen ever made an effort to reciprocate or include him in her life.

But the stepfather was singularly focused on achieving the role of father, and the teen was concerned about whether or not he deserved to "replace" her biological father, and this was a lose-lose game for both of them. There is no replacing a previous relationship of any kind, especially when it's replacing someone dear to you who has been lost. Seeking to do so will only leave you disappointed and upset. You need to approach the issue in a different way, seeking to add something new to each other's lives. 

Still, claiming that his stepdaughter's refusal to accept him as a father is reasonable grounds for divorce is a measly attempt at an excuse, and there were likely other issues, acknowledged or not, in the parents' relationship.  All said and done, it's hard to say whether there is any fault or not in this divorce, but it certainly isn't the fault of the child, and it never is.